Of Light, Shadow and Love: Volume 1

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Chapter 5

Confessions

“Now that was fun, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, yes!” Tohru said as she spun on her toes, the thrill of the flight still on her, “It was amazing!”

Lightsider smiled at her enthusiasm. They had just returned to Lightsider’s flat after their flight. He was about to comment when they both heard a growling sound. Lightsider smiled sheepishly. “Ah, heh, I guess I’m kind of hungry.”

Tohru smiled. “Me too.” She looked to her watch. “Wow, we were flying for more than four hours!” She jumped from the chair where she had been sitting, making Lightsider jump a bit himself.

“What is it?” he asked.

Tohru looked at him. “You haven’t eaten a thing since you woke up! You must eat! C’mon, let’s go to the kitchen!” Not giving him time to reply, she grabbed his hand and drug him to the kitchen. Tohru opened the fridge, and noticed his fridge was a bit to the empty side. She shook her head. Single men!

 “Let’s see . . . what do you have here . . . .” The first thing she saw was the leftovers of Lightsider’s dinner with Shadowdancer. Tohru grimaced a bit when she saw them, but shrugged the feeling off before Lightsider could notice. She picked up the box and opened it. Even though they were just leftovers, they were arranged gracefully, as if composing small pictures. Some of the food there Tohru had never eaten before. Some of it she didn’t even recognize. It was food only the rich ate. “Do you have a microwave to heat this up?” she asked as she turned to Lightsider. She blushed a bit as she saw he was inspecting the box she had brought.

“Errr, yes, it is over the washing machine.” He said pointing to the left. He looked closer at the box, wrapped in a pretty furoshiki dyed with several shades of blue. “I don’t remember this . . . .” He mumbled.

“Erm, Lightsider, I brought that. I . . . I baked you some cookies.” Tohru opened the microwave and put in the first part of the food that needed to be reheated. She had her back turned to Lightsider, and at that moment she considered that a good thing. That way he couldn’t see her blushing face, or her somewhat ashamed expression. “I . . . thought you would like it. To help you recover. I’m sorry they are just cookies,” she said quietly as she turned on the microwave.

“You baked me cookies? Thank you!” Lightsider smiled gratefully, making Tohru blush a little deeper. “I love cookies,” he said as he unwrapped the furoshiki and opened the box. Inside, neatly arranged in 3 rows, were the cookies. He picked up one and gave it a bite. “Mmmm, vanilla!”

“Do you like them?” Tohru asked expectantly. Lightsider nodded.

“They’re delicious!” He said, as he picked a different one. “Hey, cinnamon!” It was nice to eat homemade cookies for a change. It had been a long while since he had eaten . . . well, any type of homemade baked good. Lightsider wasn’t exactly the best cook in the world.

“I’m glad you like them!” Tohru said. The microwave beeped, and she turned and opened it, taking the plate out carefully and putting inside another plate, turning the microwave on again. As she carefully put the heated food on the table, she noticed that Lightsider had already put down plates, hashi and glasses on the table, while he munched on another cookie, this time a chocolate one. Then they both put the rest of the food that didn’t need to be reheated on the table as well. As the microwave beeped again, Tohru removed from it the last plate and set it on the table also. They both sat and smiled.

“Itadakimasu!”[1] they both said. The good doctor and the pretty nurse picked up their respective hashi and started to eat, their chat and light laughter filling the kitchen with pleasant music as they dined.

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Lightsider sat back in his chair and watched Tohru finish the last piece on her plate. There was never a great deal of food with kaiseki[2], but it seemed like enough, especially since Shadow had left both of their portions. It also helped that even the day-old leftovers had been exquisite.

Shadowdancer. Why was he still thinking about her? Lightsider despised himself at that moment. He’d always thought one woman enough for any man, and he had always held a certain contempt for those playboys who would string along several girlfriends at a time.

Now here he was, sitting across from one of the loveliest women in Megatokyo, and thinking of another. What was wrong with him?

He gave a small involuntary sigh.

Tohru looked across the table at him, and noticed he’d been staring at her. “Nani?” she said, and smiled sweetly.

Lightsider silently thanked the old wizard who’d made him the glasses. If it weren’t for them, the intensely cute image of Tohru right then might have been powerful enough to lay him comatose for days. Even still, a little kawaii leaked through.

“Ah . . . ah. Nothing! I was . . . uh . . . just . . . .” Lightsider mentally smacked himself. Being unable to communicate with females for centuries had done nothing for his social skills.

Tohru blushed, and started to gather the dishes. It managed to break Lightsider out of his shy fit and prompted him to help her. They had all the stuff washed and put away in no time.

Which meant there was nothing left to do, really, than look at each other.

“Ah, well . . . you have the rest of the day off?” Lightsider ventured. He was sitting on a small coffee table that was part of the apartment’s rather sparse amount of furniture.

“Yes.” Tohru said simply. She didn’t say that IntelliAyanami had practically kicked her out of the UFL in Lightsider’s direction.

“Did . . . uh . . . did you have any plans?” Lightsider swallowed. Why was this so difficult?

“No . . . ,” Tohru answered. Lightsider thought he could see the hint of a smile on her face. Tohru was obviously enjoying herself hugely at his discomfort. She wasn’t giving him any help at all, seeing if he could manage to do it on his own.

Lightsider groaned inwardly. He had never been good at this sort of thing. “Smooth” described the exact opposite of what he was.

“Well, if you didn’t have anything else to do, would you, ah . . . I mean you could, if you wanted to . . . um . . . go out with me?” Lightsider winced. Even to him that sounded lame.

Tohru giggle, and figured the Lightsider had had enough teasing. Fun was fun . . . but she didn’t want to torture the poor doctor needlessly. He’d obviously not had much practice at this sort of thing. “I’d love to, Lightsider,” she said, with just the barest hint of emphasis on the second word. “Want to leave right now?”

Lightsider jumped up from the coffee table. No one had ever told him it didn’t do to look too eager. Tohru looked pointedly at him, and turned her head away. She then motioned with her hand in a perfectly expressive way. Lightsider looked down at the sweats he had on.

“Uh, change my clothes?” he said lamely, and Tohru gave a grin.

“Are you asking me?” she teased.

Lightsider went to his closet, carefully contemplated their contents, and pulled out a button-down shirt and a pair of pants that almost matched.

Tohru made a face, and picked out a better shirt for him.

Lightsider figured it was a good time for an unconditional surrender, and went into the bathroom to change. He was out again in a few minutes. He’d even attempted, unsuccessfully, to make his hair behave.

They left his apartment arm-in-arm.

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It was a busy day on the streets of Shinjuku. But, at least one couple seemed to be taking it easy. Lightsider and Tohru moved quietly through the bustle of the businessmen running to catch the next subway, the housewives making the last purchase for dinner, and what seemed like an entire Tokyo’s worth of school-age students in uniforms. Lightsider got another taste of what it was like to be envied. He’d catch men looking at Tohru, then at him, practically yelling “Lucky bastard!” at him.

It was a weird feeling. Again.

Tohru didn’t notice the men looking at her. She was too busy noticing the women looking at him. She giggled and held his arm a little tighter. Lightsider cleaned up nicely, that’s for sure. Even his perpetually rumpled hair made women want to try and smooth it. And he didn’t even have a clue.

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They window shopped for a while. They saw a little stuffed black cat that looked exactly like Lightsider’s tiny cat Maki, and the doctor bought it for Tohru. They wandered through gift shops, toy shops, bookstores, expensive boutiques and exclusive lingerie shops. Lightsider adamantly refused to go in the last. They simply did nothing, and sometimes, doing nothing was exactly what you wanted to do, especially if it was with the right person. Mainly they talked, of Tohru’s childhood in the orphanage, her growing up and trying to strike out on her own, how lucky she felt to have gotten on as a nurse at the UFL . . . .

Lightsider didn’t talk about himself much. He seemed to be extremely skillful at diverting any questions about his history, without Tohru even knowing he was doing it. In fact, he was extremely skillful at that. He’d had ages of practice.

They got a little tired of walking around, though. Luckily, a small movie house was showing a re-release of “Tenku no Shiro Laputa”[3], one of Tohru’s, and Lightsider’s, truth be told, favorite movies. It was a welcome respite from the noise and bustle of the city.

Lightsider, though, felt a change as he watched the movie. He needed badly to trust someone. And Tohru made him feel . . . well . . . like he still had a chance. He made up his mind only as the final credits started rolling.

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After a dinner at a very good local tonkatsu-ya[4] that they both knew about, Lightsider and Tohru strolled hand-in-hand through a park. Lightsider had been quiet ever since the movie, and Tohru wondered at this. There was something in the air between them, but she just couldn’t put her finger on it.

Lightsider spoke then. “Tohru? I . . . uh . . . there’s some things you need to know about me.”

Uh, oh. That was almost never good.

Tohru looked at him quizzically. “Things? Like why you have wings?”

Lightsider sighed heavily. “The wings, and the Light, and . . . everything. I’ve told this story to hardly anyone, Tohru, but you need to hear it, if we . . . uh . . . well . . . ,” Lightsider paused. He didn’t feel like this was going well.

“If we’re to continue?” Tohru completed. She squeezed his hand and looked at him, smiling in encouragement. “I’d feel honored if you trusted me enough to hear your story, but if it is too painful for you, you don’t have to.”

Lightsider paused for a long while, and for a moment Tohru thought he’d changed his mind. Then, he seemed to steel himself. He stood up straighter, in an almost martial posture.

“How old do I look to you, Tohru?” he asked quietly.

Tohru looked at him surprised. That was a question she wasn’t certainly expecting. She looked at him closely, observing his youthful features, his slightly messy hair and his troubled eyes. “Hm . . . 25? 26?”

Lightsider sighed. This is where they usually freaked, and so this is where he usually started. “I’d have celebrated my four hundred seventy-sixth birthday last March,” he said simply.

Tohru stopped and looked at him, dumbstruck. “Four hundred . . . . You’re joking, right? No, you’re not,” she said, as she looked to his troubled expression. “Wow.” This was something she really hadn’t expected. Then his soft, beautiful wings came to mind. “Are you an angel?”

Lightsider gave a quiet, bitter laugh. “An angel. You know, the funny thing is that everyone who sees the wings asks that same thing. But they couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

“I was born in 1527, by the current calendar, to a poor farming family.” Lightsider began. “My parents died before I was old enough to remember them, and I was raised by my grandparents, with my sister. I figured that I could make more money as a soldier than as a farmer, so, against my grandparents’ permission, I joined the army of the local Daimyo[5]. I did pretty well. I distinguished myself in several battles against a neighboring state, and I thought it was only a matter of time before I was rewarded with land and titles.”

Lightsider’s jaw tightened with memory. “There was another reason I was looking for my fortune,” he said. “I . . . I loved the daughter of the village chief. And I needed to prove myself in his eyes. I knew she loved me too, and I thought our future would be wonderful together. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”

Tohru was listening in pure awe to his story. It sounded like some fairy tale. She felt Lightsider’s hand shaking slightly. Seeing a bench, she pulled him in its direction and sat, pulling him down. He sat mechanically, as if he hadn’t even realized the action. Tohru looked at Lightsider. His expression was a mixture of grief, sadness and . . . shame. Hesitating slightly, she raised her free hand and caressed his face as a mother might do to her son after he had accidentally broken his favorite toy; a comforting gesture. Lightsider looked at her. She smiled in an encouraging way. “Please go on”

“I’d just come back from a major battle, I just knew my honor was right around the corner!” Lightsider continued. “But I found my home ransacked, my family missing, and my love was gone too. The villagers had heard a struggle, but by the time anyone investigated, they were all gone. They left a banner, though. The banner of a neighboring state, and their tracks led off in that direction.”

“I’d never felt such a mix of rage and panic. I went to the Daimyo; actually demanded to see him! I told him what had happened, and asked for an army. I told him if he didn’t give me one that I would go alone, and be slain trying to save them. I’d never liked the man. He reeked of evil. But, he gave me my army, supplies enough, and encouragement. We made the preparations quickly, but every second was an age.”

“And what happened next? Did you manage to get to them?” Tohru was entranced by this story. It seemed so surreal . . . but at the same time, very real. She didn’t know why, but from the moment he had started narrating his story she had felt a tingle running down her spine.

“It was a titanic battle. My troops had somehow heard the story, and were all fueled by the rage I felt. The army before us was mightier, but we had a cause.” Lightsider swallowed. “We finally broke through to the Lord’s castle, and I managed to get from a guard where the maiden they’d captured was being held. I found the room and broke down the door.”

Lightsider gave an ironic smile. “It wasn’t her.”

“I realized then I’d been tricked. And somehow, I knew by whom.”

“Oh no! The Daimyo!” Tohru felt her stomach twist in revulsion at such cruelty. She could only imagine how Lightsider had felt when he’d discovered he had been deceived.

“My own master had betrayed me. He knew that, given enough ‘incentive’, that I could lead his forces to annihilate the neighboring state. He also knew I was too kind-hearted to do it out of duty. My grief and rage were bottomless. I abandoned the soldiers who were sacking the fortress, rode back to the Daimyo, and confronted him in his own castle. It was only then I discovered the depth of his evil.”

“He’d acquired magic and strength from a dark book, and twisted it to his own evil purposes. I was no match for him. He cast me about like a child’s plaything. I had the chance to die with honor, or to fight shamed. I chose the latter.” Lightsider hung his head. Telling this last part was always the most difficult. “I called upon the book to give me its strength, and it listened to me. I was transformed with dark power, thousands of times stronger than I was. My form was altered and twisted, and I gained the power of flight through wings. Still, it wasn’t enough. I again had the chance for redemption, but I was too far gone. I could have died honorably. Instead, I focused all the dark power within me, and released it in a massive surge that destroyed the Daimyo and the castle we were in.”

“The castle!” Something told Tohru that Lightsider’s lover had been in that castle as well. It was odd, but she just . . . knew. She saw that Lightsider was on the verge of tears. It broke her heart to see him like this. She caressed his face again, silently encouraging him to go on.

“Yes. The castle. They must have been held in the castle. No one in the castle or the surrounding lands had survived. I killed them all.” Lightsider choked. “I was broken, but I was alive. The dark energies that empowered me wouldn’t let me die so easily. I begged Kami to let my soul descend to the jigoku[6] to which it belonged, but they had . . . other things in mind. Three days I laid there, then, I felt Light descending upon me. I heard a voice, terrible and sad. I can still remember that voice, and the words, as if they had been spoken in the last hour.”

“Tragic One, you have used the forbidden powers, and are therefore cursed. You are doomed to roam the earth until you atone for the love whom you destroyed. You are also cursed that you may not look upon another woman for the entirety of your existence, without suffering from the faint heart that possessed you at the last moment.”

“I knew then I was doomed with the greatest curse of all. Immortality. Still, the Kami were in a portion merciful. They changed me into the form you see now, mostly human, and replaced my wings of darkness with wings of Light. They also gave me the power of the Light, that I may protect myself and help others.” Lightsider looked at his hands. “I swore never to use it to harm again.”

The doctor slumped back on the bench. It was an exhausting story to tell. “That’s my whole story. I wandered the earth from then until now. Always people discovered who I was, and always they forced me to move on. A friendly mage made these for me.” Lightsider tapped his glasses, “And I learned to make my wings appear like this,” he touched his coat. “I . . . I know it’s not what you want to hear, Tohru.” He lowered his head. “I’m sorry for burdening you with my story. I should’ve never told you it.”

Thwack!

“Baka!”

It had happened so suddenly that Lightsider never saw it coming. But when he opened his eyes again, he saw Tohru standing, a gunsen war fan in one hand and the other closed into a fist, and . . . tears. Tears ran freely down Tohru’s face and her expression mixed rage and sadness.

“Burdening me? Why do you think that? Don’t . . . don’t you trust me enough to keep your secret? Do you think I’m too fragile to hear the truth?” Tohru asked, shaking.

Lightsider stuttered as he tried to find the words. “It’s not that! It’s just . . . I . . . I . . . I don’t want to hurt you, Tohru.” Lightsider’s voice was soft and sad. “I don’t want to hurt you, like I’ve hurt so many others.”

Tohru looked him in the eyes and sighed. She fell to her knees. “Lightsider, aren’t you tired of being alone?” She picked up his hands and brought them to her face. “I know I’m mortal, I’m just 21 years old and still lacking experience in life. I know I can’t pretend to know and understand everything that you’ve gone through. But please, let me try to understand. Let me share your pain, share your burdens. Let me be the one to be at your side. Let me be it, because Lightsider,” Tohru let go of his hands and put her hands on his face, “I love you.”

Lightsider looked at her, speechless, his tears falling freely. Her words touched a part of his heart that he’d thought long dead. He lowered his face to hers, and kissed her tears away. “I love you too.” He then lowered his head more, uniting their lips, locking both of them in a kiss. After what seemed an eternity they broke apart, both blushing but smiling in happiness. They approached their faces again for another kiss . . . .

. . . when Tohru’s hospital mobile beeped. Sighing, she picked it. “Yes?”

“Tohru!” It was IntelliAyanami, and she sounded alarmed. “This is an emergency. Please return to the hospital immediately and bring Lightsider with you.”

“How do you know Lightsider’s with me?” Tohru asked, blushing.

“Of course he is with you.” IntelliAyanami said impatiently, “Now stop talking and both of you return here as fast as you can. I’ll explain more when you arrive.” Without waiting for confirmation, Intelli disconnected.

“What was that about?” Lightsider asked.

“I’m not sure, but we must return to the hospital. Apparently there’s a crisis situation there, and they need both of us. She said she’d explain it better when we arrived.”

Lightsider and Tohru sighed. There was nothing they could do. Getting up, they both turned and, holding hands, they ran for the hospital.

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They were were halfway to the nearest subway station when Tohru realized there was a faster way. She slowed to a walk, making Lightsider slow down too.

“Lights . . . ,” she said, “IntelliAyanami wanted us back as fast as we could manage . . . .”

She didn’t have to elaborate, but the doctor hesitated. He wasn’t used to overt displays of his abilities. In fact, until he’d come to MegaTokyo, he had tried to keep his powers hidden as much as possible. Eventually, though, he was always discovered. The lure of the skies was too strong, and someone always saw him, sooner or later. He was always healing wherever he went, too, and that led to questions. In either case, he was always forced to move on.

But here . . . he wasn’t unusual. In fact, in a city full of zombies, nurse clones, teenage Zillas and advanced tech, a winged doctor was about as normal as you got. Still, old habits died hard.

Tohru saw Lightsider hesitate, and smiled just a bit. “Aw . . . c’mon . . . ,” she joked. “Most of Megatokyo knows you can fly already. Besides, it’d be fun. Pleeeeease?!” Tohru turned up the kawaii, and Lightsider reflexively shut his eyes.

“Alright! Alright!!” he laughed. “Only shut that off, or you’ll be carrying me to the UFL!!”

Tohru made a mock pout, and then closed her eyes too as the doctor’s hand found her shoulder. The familiar warmth . . . .

They rose silently into the sky, and then darted to the hospital on wings of sunlit snow. It wasn’t until later that they both realized Tohru had called him something other than “Doctor” or “Lightsider”.

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They’d talked very little on the short flight to the UFL hospital. They were both getting into “professional mode”. They both were wondering what it could be. Another fanboy war? Unscheduled cataclysm? If IntelliAyanami was calling them back after virtually kicking them out, it had to be serious.

Lightsider motioned to Tohru, and they landed about half a block from the UFL.

“What is it?” she asked. She made a conscious effort to stow her wings back into their original “ethereal” state, and did better this time. They went about half-transparent.

Lightsider put his hand on her shoulder again, and finished dissipating her wings. “I just want to have a look-see before we go barging in there.” He didn’t have to say why. The kidnapping a while back apparently still had him a little on edge.

Lightsider gazed at the hospital, and Tohru realized he was using the ability he called, simply, “Sight.” The doctor stared for a long minute, and frowned.

“It’s some sort of strange epidemic,” he finally said. “It’s even gotten some of the . . . uh, oh.”

“What?”

“It’s gotten some of the nurses. You’re not safe in there Tohru,” Lightsider made a “stay put” motion with his hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Whack!

Lightsider rubbed his head. “Itehhhhh! Are you going to do that every single time I do something you don’t like?” he whined.

“Only when you’re being a bakayaro[7],” Tohru smirked, stowing her fan. “I have a duty in there, just like you.”

Lightsider sighed. “At least let me give you something to protect you.” Before Tohru could protest, Lightsider lifted his hand. A faint shimmer surrounded the nurse.

“What . . . ?”

“It’s a weak Shield, just strong enough to keep the bugs away.”

Tohru smiled. “Clever.”

Lightsider blushed a bit. “Yeah, well . . . let’s put it to use.”

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The hospital was a madhouse, but Lightsider and Tohru cut through the crowd of nurses to IntelliAyanami’s office. She was trying desperately to get a handle on the situation.

“Thank Largo you’re here!” she said. “We’ve got some sort of psi-enhanced virus going on here. We’ve been trying to treat it with everything we’ve got, including CPAE, but nothing’s working. You two start on this floor and see if you can do anything. The new doctor is on the second floor. He’s making headway, but not nearly fast enough.”

Lightsider struggled to catch up. “New doctor?”

“Later!” IntelliAyanami snapped. “Right now, just go! Oh, and Doctor Lightsider,” she said, as they turned to leave. “If you have any other tricks in your bag, now would be the time to use them.”

Lightsider and Tohru looked at each other. That didn’t sound good at all. They set out for the area where the afflicted patients of that floor were being isolated at a dead run.